This week has been more calm than the ones that came before it, despite still having it’s turmoils. The heartbreak is not as painful as it was last month. It’s like the wound has finally stopped bleeding constantly. Maybe it’s because I’ve stopped ripping the scab off.

My free time is basically non existent now. Most of the time I’m either studying, sleeping or going somewhere, like the subway station, church or the mall. Any small amount of time is spent reading – either something one of my college professors sent me or a religious book – or listening to music while contemplating life. If I was still the same person I was a few years ago, I’d be hating this lifestyle so much. Not having hours to do nothing with was something I considered torturous. But now I actually enjoy having such a full schedule. One of my favorite quotes is “Ora et labora”, said by Saint Benedict, which means “pray and work”. Like I’ve mentioned here in another post, I pray the rosary daily and talk with God and other saints throurought the day. I’ve realized living like this is exactly what I needed. Makes me feel complete.

Good things are happening again, too. Got an 100% on my Sociology test, won a few Balatro runs, finished one of the books I started to read recently, etc. Life is slowly getting back on track and I couldn’t ask for anything else.

Thank you for reading all of this!! Please keep following the blog for more posts. I hope to bring some more changes to the website in the future so it’s more interactive and less boring :-)

I just wish I knew why my life has completely turned upside down lately.

My head is so heavy due to all of the thoughts and worries stuck inside of it right now... All the loneliness, the arguments I've been having with my family because of my decision to convert to catholicism, the pain my chronic illness causes me, the tiredness I feel due to university, etc. I feel like I'm going to explode at any second.

The only moment where I feel at peace is when I'm praying. I've started to pray the rosary every morning and talk with God and the Virgin Mary throurought the day, and it always makes me forget about the turmoil I have inside of me for some time. Their love for me is so amazingly huge I'm always left stunned when I think about it. I'm also reading the Bible daily and studying the life of the Saints too and I really recommend it to anyone reading this.

To help myself a bit (and avoid having another depressive episode), I've decided to drop one of the study groups I was attending since it wasn't mandatory, giving me a little bit more free time on Wednesdays, and focus on my current hobbies on the weekends, which are crocheting, reading, writing and gaming. I really hope this will help me regulate myself a bit more and develop self love.

That's all for today's post!! Thank you for reading this public venting session xD Keep an eye for the next posts, and may God bless all of you!! ♡

Life has been difficult lately.

One month ago I broke up with my ex boyfriend. It was a messy relationship: he was older, extremely avoidant and unsure about what he wanted, and I also had my issues. It led to many arguments and after a very short time the relationship burned out. I'm still recovering from that experience and it's not easy: two nights ago I broke down crying while washing the dishes.

I'm feeling lonely all the time. Having someone you can alwats count on for a period of time and then not having that support anymore is such an agonizing experience. Also, I don't have many friends, and I'm afraid I'll bother the few ones I have by talking over and over again about this subject. So here I am, yapping about it on the internet lol.

Another thing that's making my life harder is university. I'm a psychology student at a federal university, and let's say it's way more academically challenging than I was expecting it to be. I have so much material do read and study it seems to never end Dx Currently I have two exams to study for, each one covering so many texts and concepts I have no idea how I'll be able to study it all in such a short time. *sighs* But I'll manage!! May God give me the strenght I need.

That's all for today. Thank you for reading my word dump all the way to the end!! I'll come back later for more updates.

P.S.: some changes will be done to the website's design, so keep an eye out for that :D